i have only words

oh my. four months can surely fly by. and what a jam packed four months it’s been.

we start off in my living room, cleaning up after a date. as i’m trying to expertly grab all the bottles and cans one slips from my grasp and liquid seeps into the right top speaker. and that is why you have heard nothing buy my silence. abiding my time til the day came and I could begin to write more words and string them into some type of continuity. of course, I can’t remember every detail of every day that has gone by. that is too many sunrises and sunsets for me.

* I broke up with boy. the last month of our relationship was very strained and though he asked me to move down South with him, well something in my stomach wasn’t settling and I felt like it wasn’t the right choice.

* my mom and I stopped talking for about five months. i’ll leave that alone, suffice to say that I am now speaking to her and things are better.

* mancub was arrested for trespassing and put on informal probation. why I share this? so you can understand that I’ve been one busy mama bear trying to protect her bonehead teenage cub. he’ll be 16 years old in 22 days. I remember so much of that pregnancy, his kicks and punches. it doesn’t get easier.

* I’ve been trying to attend a new DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) program and I’ve committed to four days a week. unfortunately my health declined a bit when I threw out my back and developed sciatica. it’s been about five months and yesterday was the first day that I was truly pain free. I told you it doesn’t get easier.

* we started having some problems with housing, those scary, nerve wrecking nights when you don’t know when it will be your last day under that roof. the guest house has been in disrepair since moving in last year. I kept quiet because I really just needed somewhere to stay. but my landlord is a slumlord and I’ve had enough. it has given me motivation to get up and do something!…

* the end result: I am moving back home to Chicago on June. 16 oh boy oh boy, i’m excited, i’m nervous, i’m curious, i’m eager, i’m scared silly. this is all new to me. I haven’t been home since 1997 and even then things had changed so much from when I was growing up there as a child. I’ve reached out to family, hopeful to see them and start all over. I’ve missed so many days of their lives. i’m anxious to eat as much pizza as possible, because I ♥ pizza from home. deep dish and 10 lbs here I come. I’ve already rented a mailbox, set up reservations at two hostels, made appointments for apartment showings, researched the bus, l, train stations (and it’s still a mystery), and found a local knitting group that I can bond with. I plan on going to a blues club, buying my mom cheesy and caramel popcorn (not together she said), go to Oak Park beach, check out Willis Tower (Sears), Lincoln Park zoo…I have a lot to accomplish.

wish me luck. I will be back after I move with lots and lots of pictures.

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on a saturday afternoon

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boy and i went to Venice Beach this last Saturday since he’s never been. i knew he’d be amazed. Venice is the place to go if you are looking for fun. there are dancers, street performers, and hundreds of artists. on the west is the ocean, the sun reflecting off the surface from the chilly waters. a few stray children tempting the tide, running to and fro. bicycles, scooters, roller blades, skateboards, up and down the miles of paths. a little bit of bar hopping, sitting down and people watching. incenses pervading your nostrils. the world famous freak show: bottles of two headed mice and turtles. taco shelled turtles. a sword swallower. electric chairs. the winds blew in from the south, causing me to hold my dress down or else it would be a new rendition of Marilyn Monroe’s favorite scene. all the glitz and glam intermingled with tourists. so much to do, so much to see. can’t wait to go again. (and btw, boy ♥ loved it!)

bread day

bread today.

bread tomorrow.

bread every day.

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i ♥ ♥ ♥ bread.

it’s something i’m going to have to wean off of though, i’m possibly having a gastric bypass surgery and bread is not approved. so i will enjoy the fresh smell of yeast, melted butter, and flour as it kneads. i’ll continue to peek under the warm towel that covers the ball of dough that i hope will rise. i’ll knead it with my own hands, filling it with cinnamon, sugar, and brown sugar. i’ll watch over it for another half hour. then i can finally get it into the oven. in thirty minutes my bread is done. the house smells like a French patisserie.

and i can’t wait to do it again.

teensy.weensy

my February sweater project began with a false start. i had to frog four rows right off the bat because i wasn’t doing the right stitches. so i began again. i’m slow going on this project. i haven’t worked charts in forever. but i just. had. to. use my madelinetosh tosh merino light. i’ll have another update in a couple days as the Ravellenics/Olympics will begin and i can finally cast on my ultimate goal. more about that later.

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a mellow yellow type of day

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if you knew me, i mean really knew me, then you would know that yellow is the Über-color. oh yeah. Über, i said it. what now? so you can only imagine how very excited, like oh-my-god-i-pee’d-myself-excited, i was to find not one. not two. not three. but four skeins of my most favoritest yarn and color: madelinetosh tosh merino light in “candlewick”. it is sincerely, the.best.yellow. not too bright, not too dark. a fine honey. a spicy honey mustard. a reddish, orange-ish, type yellow. perfect in every respect. i am seriously considering investing in just this color. i could knit every sweater in this color and it would be a mellow yellow type of day.

thank goodness for toilet paper

those cardboard rolls can be awfully useful.

i finally found a “home” for all those loose gelly pens, mechanical pencils, Sharpies, and what not. from toilet paper cardboard rolls. well, Mod Podge and some patterned paper had a bit to do with it as well. i found an old cardboard box that my mom used to collect buttons and got to work measuring some papers.

…and this is what i came up with, from beginning to end:

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et voila!

hats and mittens and really cute kittens

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excuse my absence. my son has finally come home after months of tumultuous behavior, group homes, intensive therapy. the works. last week was our “official” case closure. he’s home for good. teenagers. they invoke so many emotions in a parent. frustration. pride. loathing. love. there are days he worries me so. and then there are days i want to tell him to go play on a busy freeway. and yet since he’s been home i’ve found a new source of inspiration. you see, i didn’t learn how to knit until my son was about 2 1/2 years old. when i started all i could do was the basic knit and purl stitch. (i didn’t even know what bind off meant!) but i persevered and knit him an afghan (current whereabouts unknown). i knit him sweaters for the first day of school and for picture day. but by the time he turned eight the requests for handknit items came to a standstill. and then my Stinkerbuggy came and i knit blankets, sweaters, hats. you name it. while i still knit for my daughter, i don’t really have anyone to knit for. every now and again my mom hints to me that she wants the snowflake sweater that, my grandmother knit her many, many years ago. the problem with that is my mother doesn’t have a clear memory of how that sweater was constructed. (we’ve gone through dozens of snowflake motifs and have come up empty handed on patterns.) mind you, there is a point to this story. at the beginning of the year i stumbled upon a charity knitting group called Bundles of Joy (on Rav). the group knits sweaters, hats, scarves, mittens…pretty much anything that is needed on the Pine Ridge Reservation, specifically this LOWO group. i knit immediately that i wanted to help. and even though i’ve pared down my stash, i still have plenty of remnants to turn into hats and mittens (as above). and of course, a kitten named dr. shelby cooper to make sure i stay on task. (she’s the boss, you know?) so far i’ve knit four hats and two pair of matching mittens. i need to finish up the rest of the mittens asap. these will be for some of the babies on the reservation. my hope is that the mothers will hold onto the keepsakes that keep their beautiful babies warm and cozy throughout the years. i have until the beginning of February before sending the lot out. my hopes are to knit four more sets. eight may not be a lot, but i know that these people will appreciate every thought that went into each stitch.

on the way to the market

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about a year or so ago, Santa Monica went completely plastic bagless. they are now saying that l.a. is going back to paper bags or use-your-own. while at Michael’s i bought a three pack of canvas tote bags (about 13.5 x 13.5) and some fabric paints. i decided to break out the paints and began stamping my first of three bags. one of them i will use a half apple, the other will have gray and yellow chevrons (both make using apples and potatoes for my stamps).

the fabric paint i used it Tulip Soft Matte in “marine blue”, “blue”, “turquoise”, and “cool blue”. i also mixed a few blues together to get some extra color. just use the eraser of a wooden pencil as your blotter. and remember to put a smaller towel or paper in the bag so the fabric doesn’t bleed through. use a hair dryer to seal the paint and let it dry.

when you’re done, fill er up.

 

 

new year inspiration

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2014

the last day of 2013 i felt inspired to break out the paints and papers. buttons and twine. flowers and mod podge. you may not know this about me, but before i became a Knitter i was a Scrapbooker. a bonafide had-every-color-brad-and-Bazzill cardstock type of crafter. i loved making 12 x 12 pages and altering paper bags and foam core. but the fact is that fiber has held my heart much longer and much stronger. still, i perused a few aisles of Michael’s and JoAnn’s, trying to figure out how to spend that 50% off coupon, and i found a few trinkets and things. a while back i had bought a 180-page pack of patterned paper for cards. this came in quite useful. scrapbooking has come a long way. so while watching movies and noshing on a fresh baked warm apple cake i decided to make for dessert i got out some wood and paint and embellishments and got into the spirit of New Years Eve. i am hoping that this new year will bring about more good and less anxiety. last year was especially difficult and this year there will still be obstacles to overcome. i am inspired by what the new year has to offer.